Talking To Children About Changes This Holiday Season
As the holiday season approaches, many families will be making adjustments to their normal plans due to COVID-19. Families will need to talk to their children about these changes. Here are some tips to help with this discussion:
1. Ask, Don’t Assume
Ask your child, “What are you picturing?” or “What are you thinking about the holidays?” Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a parenting and resiliency expert, told TODAY Parents. This will give you insight into how your child really feels about these changes. Maybe they are secretly overwhelmed when going to a huge family celebration and are relieved by the changes this year, or maybe they are very disappointed to be missing that extra time with cousins. Maybe they are most upset about not getting to have a special holiday meal. When we know how they are feeling, we are able to help the children make an easier transition.
2. What Can We Do?
Talk to your children to see what you can do to make it feel more like the holidays. If you’re really going to miss the goodies, schedule a food exchange. If it is the quality time with family that you don’t see often, plan a Zoom meeting and have dinner or dessert together, or even play games together! Gilboa says we can “creatively get the same feeling.” This is also a time to reevaluate old traditions and create new ones. While you may not be able to attend a huge holiday party or community event, you can start a new tradition of decorating cookies or watching the classic holiday movies together. With less obligations like holiday parties and large family gatherings, you may find that you have time to do what you truly enjoy about the holidays instead of what you are obligated to do.
3. Discuss the Reasons
Have a conversation with your family about why the celebrations may be different this year. Most school age children are used to everyone wearing masks by now, but it is still important to reiterate why we need to do what we can to keep everyone safe. Discuss that while this year will be very different, these changes are for everyone’s safety, and that making these changes will help stop the spread of COVID-19. Annette Nunez, a psychotherapist in private practice in Denver told TODAY Parents, “It's really important to have those openings in these conversations that this is the world we’re living in and what we have to do to keep everybody safe. It's not only us, but it's the entire world that's going through this.” Also use this time to discuss any concerns and stresses that your children may have regarding COVID-19 and reassure them that it will not be like this forever. “We do want to reassure them,” she said. “To keep their anxiety and stress levels down and to keep them safe.”
4. Talk About the Strain
Many families are financially impacted by COVID-19, and the holidays could look different than other years for your children. Discuss with them clearly, in an age- appropriate way that things may look different in regards to gifts or trips or things of that nature this year due to COVID-19. “We’re going to have to find ways to show people how much they matter to us,” Gilboa said. “We have to be more creative for ourselves and ask our kids to decide what is the one thing, or couple little things, that would make you feel how much we love you this year?” She said that discussing this with our children will help prepare them for challenges and make them more resilient. This is probably not the first year a family has struggled and may not be the last either. Being honest will help your children as they grow.
This has been a trying year for everyone. While the holiday season may not look exactly the same as we are used to, hopefully it can still be a time to celebrate and focus on what brings us joy in our lives.
Cassie Bower, M.A., NCC
For more information, see: https://www.today.com/parents/talking-kids-about-how-2020-holidays-will-be-different-t199125
