Attention Seeking: The True Function
“We know that positive attention is the most powerful motivator we have for influencing children’s behavior, and with kids who have ADHD it’s helpful to make that attention as powerful as possible. “Kids with attentional and impulse control difficulties need their feedback big, bold, immediate and intense,” explains Dr. Lee.”
Families everywhere are struggling to care for their kids who have been cut off from normal structure, activities and routines. Most parents and caregivers are together, in their homes, all day with their kids working to balance work, kids and home responsibilities. For many, there is just not enough of you to go around and it is seeming like your children will “do anything for attention.” As I’ve explained to many parents they are absolutely right. However, this behavior is completely normal and also may not be something they need to worry about.
Children are responding to this pandemic in many ways different ways. They are experiencing confusion, excitement, isolation, sadness and fear. And as you know, children are not fully developed humans, as their brains, hearts and bodies are working to understand the world around them. With a limited but ever expanding vocabulary, kids can not always understand or communicate their needs and so, what you often see is behavior as a way of meeting those needs. If we think of behavior as attachment seeking, it helps to understands that kids engage in certain behaviors to increase attachment during times they are struggling. The current pandemic is certainly one of those times
The reality is that you can not and should not drop all boundaries and structures within your home to attend to your child at all moments. However, there are many things you can do in your home to encourage appropriate and positive attention and help your kids get their needs met. Although this article from ChildMind institute focuses on children with ADHD, most of the same tips can be utilized in any household, with any child. Structure your day, use attention as a motivator and when your giving your child your time, be present fully. Most importantly, remember that both you and your child are in this together, learning this new way of life. Be patient and take each win when you can.
-Emily Martin, MS
