Does Punishment Really Work in Changing A Child’s Behavior?
“When we look at behavior, we stop seeing the child and only look with an intent to judge whether we need to reward or punish. When we look behind the behavior, we see that struggling human, our little human, who needs our help with something.”
What is the goal of delivering punishment when a child engages in problem behavior? Most would say that it is to correct behavior and teach the child not to engage in a particular behavior. Let’s think about this, is punishment really teaching the child what to do? No, it is only teaching the child not to do something. How is the child supposed to learn an alternative way to handle the situation or to get their needs met if they are not taught how to do so?
It is important to teach our children how to behave in such a way to get their needs met. This will teach them the skills necessary to become responsible and self-disciplined individuals. Punishment, such as time-outs, spankings, etc. will not teach our children these skills. Instead it teaches them to be alone with their problems and lacks teaching them to seek support and problem solve to resolve problems. It can also be detrimental to the parent/caregiver-child relationship. Of course, setting boundaries and rules are still important in teaching our children the ways of the world; however, be mindful in how we are responding to behavior. It is important to respond in a manner that teaches.
Children learn what they live and experience. Just as we as adults did when we were children. We tend to “parent” in the same manner as our parents/caregivers did, and our parents/caregivers learned to “parent” as their parents/caregivers did and so on. So, what is the best way to teach our children ways to behave? Modeling (showing them) how to respond and behave in certain situations, and treating them the way that we want them to treat others! It is the best way for them to learn how to be compassionate and understanding towards others.
For further information and specific ways to guide our children, read the provided article https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/10_Ways_To_Guide_Children_Without_Discipline.
